DEALING WITH THE ‘TERRIBLE TWOS’
DEALING WITH THE ‘TERRIBLE TWOS’
The ‘terrible twos’ are a normal stage in a toddler's development-characterized by mood changes, temper tantrums and use of the word ‘no’. The ‘terrible twos’ typically occur when toddlers begin to struggle between their reliance on adults and their desire for independence as well as learning to express their frustrations. Though their outbursts are frustrating, keep in mind their actions are not acts of defiance directed toward you.
WHY THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO
At around the age of two years, children have an enormous explosion of brain development. With this development comes increased independence and personal preferences. However children still have a limited understanding of what is going on in the world around them, are challenged and confused by the emotions they feel, and have no grasp of why their parents would want something for them aside from what they already want for themselves!
REMEMBER
1.Tantrums usually come from a lack of understanding or control.Your child is probably feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or frightened. Of course in some situations a toddler may be pushing boundaries, but again, tantrums typically come from frustration rather than a desire to be upsetting.
2.Stay calm. It is really important that you-the adult-stays calm when your child is having a tantrum. Although this can be very hard, but if you become stressed, your child will pick up the ‘vibe and become even more stressed. Keeping calm and in control shows your toddler that you are not overwhelmed by his or her emotions and while he or she feels out of control, you are in control.
3.During your child’s tantrums avoid worrying about what other people will think if you are out in public. Many of them will have had children themselves and know what you are going through.
SOME OF THE WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE ‘TERRIBLE TWOS’
•Do not try to fix things while a toddler is throwing tantrums- the emotions are high at this time, and they are not willing to listen/talk. It is the job of the parent to just be there for them. Holding or hugging (if the child allows) may not feel appropriate to the adult, but this will often make the greatest difference. If the child does not accept ‘comforting’ from the adult in the ‘heat of the moment’, then it may be better to sit or stand quietly nearby and let him/her know you can hug him/her as soon as he/she ready.
•See the tantrum from your toddler's perspective. This may help you to recognise that your child is throwing a tantrum because of a trigger’-tired or hungry. This means the child is throwing a tantrum because his/her world does not‘feel right’. So, rather than ‘reacting’, parents should be more compassionate.
•Help your child identify the emotions causing the tantrum. This means helping the child to ‘label’ the emotions. This can help in ‘normalising’ the feelings being experienced because they can identify it, understand it and learn to regulate it.
•In some cases, it is best to ‘stick to your guns’, especially in situations when a child may be objecting to a ‘fair’ decision you made. Giving in is a recipe for more tantrums because it will teach the child that having a meltdown gets him/her what he/she wants.
•Consider whether saying 'no' is absolutely necessary, and what are the alternatives? For example, you may be saying 'no' to sweets at the shop, but perhaps you could say 'yes' to some fruit or another healthier treat.
•Have a set routine and plan your daily activities around your child. For example a child may throw a tantrum if you chose to go shopping during his/her scheduled nap time. And if you were to change the routine, it helps if you let your child know ahead of time what is going to happen, for example 10 or 15 minutes before the scheduled change.
•Acknowledge their feelings of frustration, anger or sadness. Explain that feelings are normal but that acting in a way which will hurt others is not. Help them find the words they need to express themselves. Hold them, tell them a joke or speak to them in a soft voice to soothe them.
•Understand your toddler’s abilities. Recognize that they are growing up (often faster than parents would like) and they are able to do things they could not in the past. Give them activities which will allow them to show off what they can do. Make a big deal out of what they can do-tidying up their toys, helping you set the table. Find things they can do which will give them a reason to shine and for you to be proud of their achievements.
•Distract your child with something else such as reading a book or having a drink or snack in case the child is genuinely hungry or thirsty. BUT do not give rewards such as sweets. Giving rewards may be a quick fix, but in can end up with a child thinking that a tantrum will be rewarded.
•Ignoring (also known as extinction), but only if the child is in a safe environment.
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The ‘terrible twos’ are a normal stage in a toddler's development-characterized by mood changes, temper tantrums and use of the word ‘no’. The ‘terrible twos’ typically occur when toddlers begin to struggle between their reliance on adults and their desire for independence as well as learning to express their frustrations. Though their outbursts are frustrating, keep in mind their actions are not acts of defiance directed toward you.
WHY THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO
At around the age of two years, children have an enormous explosion of brain development. With this development comes increased independence and personal preferences. However children still have a limited understanding of what is going on in the world around them, are challenged and confused by the emotions they feel, and have no grasp of why their parents would want something for them aside from what they already want for themselves!
REMEMBER
1.Tantrums usually come from a lack of understanding or control.Your child is probably feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or frightened. Of course in some situations a toddler may be pushing boundaries, but again, tantrums typically come from frustration rather than a desire to be upsetting.
2.Stay calm. It is really important that you-the adult-stays calm when your child is having a tantrum. Although this can be very hard, but if you become stressed, your child will pick up the ‘vibe and become even more stressed. Keeping calm and in control shows your toddler that you are not overwhelmed by his or her emotions and while he or she feels out of control, you are in control.
3.During your child’s tantrums avoid worrying about what other people will think if you are out in public. Many of them will have had children themselves and know what you are going through.
SOME OF THE WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE ‘TERRIBLE TWOS’
•Do not try to fix things while a toddler is throwing tantrums- the emotions are high at this time, and they are not willing to listen/talk. It is the job of the parent to just be there for them. Holding or hugging (if the child allows) may not feel appropriate to the adult, but this will often make the greatest difference. If the child does not accept ‘comforting’ from the adult in the ‘heat of the moment’, then it may be better to sit or stand quietly nearby and let him/her know you can hug him/her as soon as he/she ready.
•See the tantrum from your toddler's perspective. This may help you to recognise that your child is throwing a tantrum because of a trigger’-tired or hungry. This means the child is throwing a tantrum because his/her world does not‘feel right’. So, rather than ‘reacting’, parents should be more compassionate.
•Help your child identify the emotions causing the tantrum. This means helping the child to ‘label’ the emotions. This can help in ‘normalising’ the feelings being experienced because they can identify it, understand it and learn to regulate it.
•In some cases, it is best to ‘stick to your guns’, especially in situations when a child may be objecting to a ‘fair’ decision you made. Giving in is a recipe for more tantrums because it will teach the child that having a meltdown gets him/her what he/she wants.
•Consider whether saying 'no' is absolutely necessary, and what are the alternatives? For example, you may be saying 'no' to sweets at the shop, but perhaps you could say 'yes' to some fruit or another healthier treat.
•Have a set routine and plan your daily activities around your child. For example a child may throw a tantrum if you chose to go shopping during his/her scheduled nap time. And if you were to change the routine, it helps if you let your child know ahead of time what is going to happen, for example 10 or 15 minutes before the scheduled change.
•Acknowledge their feelings of frustration, anger or sadness. Explain that feelings are normal but that acting in a way which will hurt others is not. Help them find the words they need to express themselves. Hold them, tell them a joke or speak to them in a soft voice to soothe them.
•Understand your toddler’s abilities. Recognize that they are growing up (often faster than parents would like) and they are able to do things they could not in the past. Give them activities which will allow them to show off what they can do. Make a big deal out of what they can do-tidying up their toys, helping you set the table. Find things they can do which will give them a reason to shine and for you to be proud of their achievements.
•Distract your child with something else such as reading a book or having a drink or snack in case the child is genuinely hungry or thirsty. BUT do not give rewards such as sweets. Giving rewards may be a quick fix, but in can end up with a child thinking that a tantrum will be rewarded.
•Ignoring (also known as extinction), but only if the child is in a safe environment.
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